Perfectionism

this is the religion that kills me sometimes, takes me out of the moment, out of my body and into my head where all of the kings are doing battle with each other while their fields wither in neglect.

forgiveness is the antithesis. this morning i realized i was half-asking someone i love for some kind of forgiveness for something i wasn't quite sure why i was uncomfortable with prior to either getting clear about what my issue was or practicing forgiveness with myself.

holidays bring up my emotional history. for many years i would get asthma attacks on thanksgiving and christmas days. this has subsided to some degree, but archeological remnants of my being an imperfect human will no doubt keep me on my toes, challenge my awareness and compassion in various ways for the next month or so.

for now, in this moment, i recognize that its important for me to pay close attention if i begin to feel like i'm not giving enough, or being absolutely fabulous, especially as a lover or partner. those feelings can lead to conversations that have proven to be deeply healing. that requires a pause, a journey into myself, trusting that will be ok, that its an act of love, not of weakness, to take a moment of reflection, and then a sharing of that trust with my partner.

in this moment i accept the grace and forgiveness of these words, take them into my heart and share them with you. thank you for being willing to hear them, to hear me. i accept the grace and gift of you in my life.