Pain delivery solitude

what is this fear, this common denominator with us? oil on top of water, brilliant colors divided into flamable rings, morse code tapped out by a wooden shoe disconnected from its mate when high water flooded the closet, then subsided. what i watch for i watch for because i've seen it before and my faith is not so strong every day, my attempt to set aside this relatively simple question gives it legs, allows it to grow hair and fangs, so i ask it now openly and plainly at least to myself, perhaps to you, perhaps to someone else who will hear it without the shiney barbless hook for catch and release, we have learned to be defenseless and kind, we continue to move through miracles, but there is also pain. and today this fear that as my brutality subsides, is tamed by my work, by our trusting, by my choices to reveal this new frontier of tenderness, then somehow it will end in solitude, our choices will diverge, those regions of habit will claim the day, the fear trys on a variety of flicker-cladding to convince me that looking in the mirror is pointless, but that is where i'm heading, into that transparent glassy room with the darkness of my soul giving reflections an infinite number of responses in all directions, a cube or a sphere with magnetic force strong enough to suspend me, yet feel the earth's gravity, extending in all directions, somehow there is a delivery system that will work today, work towards grief, compassion, mercy, grace and love.